Capere Vitam Primam
by High Crystal Guardian
Summary: (need to read "Shadow Turned Light", set before STL) With the takeover, there is always the need to run, the need for protection of oneself...but what happens when that need forces somebody to finally take a life?


HCG: Ah, hello all. What am I doing here? Nothing spectacular. I was bored, felt like writing about Kawari, and thought this would make an awesome subject. After all, who wouldn't want to read about the Negative Ryou's first kill?

Kawari: *raises hand*

HCG: Excluding you, silly.

Kawari: *drops head*

HCG: Well, okay, let's see here. Yeah, so special stuff to know. This story is set _before _"Shadow Turned Light," and in fact before Kawari/Ryou was even Mind Lost. Remember when I said that Kawari and Kaeru had been on the run from NR Yami for a few months after the takeover started? This is during that time period. Keep in mind, at this point in their lives, Kawari is only beginning to learn the tricks of the trade, and he's still more like TR Ryou in this setting. He _does, _however, have a backbone, and also knows how to use _Gin Hebi, _though not as well as he does in _Negative Chaos._ Keep in mind that he's trying to stay away from NR Yami and his men, with his own yami's help, since the currently-shadow-mad spirit would _love _to take out Kawari and, effectively, Kaeru, getting rid of his competition.

Kawari: _;;

HCG: ^^;; ANYWAY. With that said, shall we move onto the story? Righto!

Notes: 

I'll be referring to Kawari and Kaeru as Ryou and Bakura, since they're not even _close _to getting their nicknames yet. That's not for nearly two years, you know. 

word ~ Ryou to Bakura

word ~ Bakura to Ryou

__

italics are thoughts or memories/dreams

Now, let's roll fic!

****

Capere Vitam Primam

__

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn." ~C. S. Lewis

Eleven O'clock at night did not seem a time when people would still be wandering the streets, nor did it seem a safe hour to be about. But then again, that rule only seemed to refer to those with _normal _lives these days, and those living in Japan--and Domino City, to be more specific--had no such luxury. 

Not only was the hour not _safe, _it was deadly. Those caught outside at such a late time were almost guaranteed to be dragged in to the officials under the command of the Great Leader to be questioned about their "suspicious actions," and questioning inevitably led to torture and possible death. Patrols wandered the streets of the city to enforce the rule, and as a result most people not only refused to venture outside, but often locked their doors and windows as well, wishing desperately for the light-giving morning to come. 

But one boy was completely neglecting these rules, dodging through the streets and the shadows with a nimbleness that appeared to come with growing experience. His hair was white, glittering in what little moonlight there happened to be that night, his eyes dark brown and full of an almost tired-looking innocence. Indeed, everything about him looked tired, from his drooped shoulders to his limp footsteps to the dark circles under his eyes. The boy's name was Ryou Bakura, and he looked as though he had not slept in days.

Ryou paused in one pool of shadows at the end of the street he was about to turn onto, eyes scanning it hurriedly to see that there was no danger nearby. Satisfied that no patrols were out, he ran down the street, giving the street sign only the smallest of glances as he passed it--somebody had spray painted over its original name, giving the street its new christening, "Kyofu Avenue." Terror Avenue. How fitting.

Still slipping between shadows in order to stay hidden, as his yami had taught him, he brushed his hands over the Millennium Ring bouncing on its leather cord from around his neck. The Item was glinting brightly despite the lack of moonlight; nervous it would attract attention, he stowed it beneath his dark gray tee shirt to hide its visibility. 

It was the only thing that really stood out on his outfit by now. He'd taken to wearing dark colors, namely black and deep blue, so that it would be harder to spot him, but the golden Ring stood out very clearly, especially to those that were hunting it. At the moment, however, he wasn't worried, or at least not _too _much. His black jacket, dark gray tee, and black jeans blended him in well enough with the dark, and he'd learned quickly enough from his yami to be able to stay unseen in the shadows.

Sighing a little, he paused to rest at the corner of two different streets, and carefully contacted his yami spirit through the mind link they shared. Bakura? Spotted any patrols yet?

The tomb robber responded after a moment's pause. No. You're safe for the moment. Keep going.

Nodding, even though Bakura wouldn't see it, Ryou took off into the darkness again, heading down the streets at as quick a pace as he could manage in his exhausted state. His yami was currently separated from him, travelling the streets and keeping a lookout for patrols that would love to have _either _of their heads if they were spotted.

For Ryou and Bakura were on the run. They had been for a few months now, since Yami had first taken over and decided that they were threats to his growing empire. He had attempted to slaughter them at their own home, but they had escaped, and had kept moving since then, never staying in one place for too long lest the former spirit get the chance to catch them in his grasp. They were constantly tracked as well by the Great Leader's men, who had been offered an incredible reward for the capture of Ryou or his Millennium Item. The men were brutal and would do absolutely _anything _to get what their leader wanted, making life difficult for the hikari and his thief spirit. 

Are you sure you can trust him, though, Aibou? Bakura asked, interrupting Ryou's thoughts. These days it seems no one is what they truly seem.

Joey's not like that, Bakura, the hikari responded, frowning slightly. He was best friends with Yugi, he would _never _join Yami after what he did. _Never_.

If you say so, Bakura muttered, still sounding rather skeptical. 

Sighing once again--he did seem to do it a lot lately--Ryou turned onto the final street, gazing down in a wave of relief at the house at the far end. Sanctuary...or at least, he _hoped._

He trotted down the street quickly, glancing around for danger, though there was none here. His heart was pounding from fear, as though he expected those following him to suddenly leap out in front of his destination and shoot him down. 

_That's irrational,_ one part of him snapped, sounding irritated at his fear. _Stuff like that doesn't happen._

_Sure it does,_ his fears argued. _Yami's men thrive on using such tactics._

Shivering, he reached the house's lawn, and without hesitation marched up the front walk to the steps and the door. He glanced around hurriedly once more, double and triple checking, and then rapped loudly on the door with its knocker, hoping that somebody heard it.

Somebody did. After about thirty seconds of silence from within, he heard an annoyed yell, followed by somebody thumping down the stairs in sleepy wakefulness and thudding over to the door. And then it opened, and Ryou found himself face to face with a severely pissed off Serenity Wheeler.

"What the _hell _is somebody doing here this late at--" she began, scowling, but stopped short when she saw Ryou, whom she recognized as an old friend of her brother's. Startled, she just stared in confusion for a minute, before asking in a slightly more questioning tone, "Ryou? What the hell _are _you doing here this late at night?"

Ryou shook his head. "I'll explain in a minute, but I need to talk to your brother."

"At eleven at night?" she asked, looking irritated, glancing over at a clock in the hallway. "Come on, can't it wait?"

"_No!_" the hikari said as loudly as he dared, still glancing around nervously at the road behind him. "Come on, just go get him, please?"

"Alright, fine, but he's not gonna be happy," the girl muttered, turning and preparing to head back for the stairs, but before she got anywhere Joey came down them, looking confused.

"Who's at the door, Serenity?"

"Your friend Ryou," she grumbled.

Joey's brown eyes widened in shock, and he was at the door in a heartbeat, startled. "_Ryou? _I haven't seen you in a month!"

"I know, I've been in hiding," the white haired boy explained hurriedly, not turning his eyes from the road. 

"Damn, you look dead on your feet," Joey hissed, looking his friend up and down. "Here...come in!"

"Thanks," Ryou said gratefully, entering at a fast pace and shutting the door quickly behind him. "You don't know what this means to me."

The blonde appeared concerned for his friend. "Man. What've you been up to? You look terrible. Here...eaten lately?" He headed for the kitchen, indicating for his friend to follow.

"Not since yesterday morning," the white haired teen answered, looking ravenous at the very mention of food. "It's hard to come by when anybody's willing to sell you out." 

"Damn. Here, we'll get you something. Yo, Ser', you're a better cook than me, can you help out here?"

Serenity 'hmphed,' but nodded. "Fine. Looks like I'm not getting back to sleep any time soon, may as well help out." Whipping several things from the fridge, she began cooking up a quick yet large meal, while Ryou satisfied himself for the moment with a few crackers and a glass of juice.

Joey allowed his friend to dig a large chunk into Serenity's quickly prepared meal once she had finished it before starting to ask him questions. "Okay, man. What's going on?"

Ryou sighed, gulping down warm tea from the mug he'd been given before speaking. "Yami's after me," he finally answered, sighing. "He wants to knock off Bakura, see? _My_ yami's the only person who could remotely stand up to the Great Leader." He shrugged. "I've been on the run for a while now, but I had to lay low...I didn't want to get you guys in trouble with my presence."

Joey frowned. "So why did you come here? Not that I mind," he added hastily, "it's just that it seems...unusual."

Ryou sighed again. "It's been harder to get all the stuff I need," he muttered. "Food, a place to sleep, stuff like that. At first it was easy, most people were willing to share a bite or help me out. Old friends and stuff. But when they started learning why I was on the run...everybody started refusing to help me out." He frowned, then continued. "When it gets real rough, Bakura's been snatching some stuff from local stores, but you can't steal sleep, or a safe place to rest. I needed a place to go to, a place where I _knew _I could trust others. You were the first person I thought of."

"Don't sweat it man, I'll help you out," Joey said, nodding determinedly. "We've got a guest room, you can crash there for as long as you need."

Ryou looked grateful. "Thanks. But..." his look turned to a grave frown. "Don't forget, the patrols are after me. You could be putting yourself in danger, harboring me here."

"I don't care." Joey looked firm. "You need my help and I'm gonna give it to you. Right, Ser'?" he added, glancing over at his sister.

She shrugged. "Yami's a bastard. If it annoys him, I've got no problem with it." She grinned. 

The hikari nodded. "Thank you both," he answered, "but I'll only stay for one night."

"Why?"

"Because," Ryou answered, "they're getting better at tracking me, and I don't want to get you guys in trouble." 

Joey shook his head. "I already told you, it doesn't matter to--"

"But it _will,_" Ryou pressed, frowning slightly. "You haven't seen some of the worse stuff they've done, Joey, not yet. They've been tracking me; I _have _seen it. They'll slaughter you and your sister if they think you're helping me out. I can't risk that."

The blonde frowned slightly, then nodded. "Alright," he answered. "Fair enough. One night. Here....guest room's up the stairs, first door on the right, go ahead and sleep. You need it." His frown of concern was still trained on Ryou's fatigued form, at the obvious droop in his shoulders and the dark circles under his eyes. "I'll keep watch through the windows, if any patrols come we'll let you know."

Ryou shook his head. "Don't worry. Bakura's out there keeping a lookout. If any patrols come this way, he can warn me before they're even on this street. I don't want to hinder you any more than I have to."

Joey's frown did not go away. "Alright then. Go sleep. 'Night, Ryou."

The white haired teen nodded, standing and heading up the stairs to the guest room. He shrugged off his jacket, draping it on a chair in the room, and fell onto the bed with a soft sigh. It was nice, soft, and comfortable, and he fell into a light sleep as soon as he hit the pillow.

He slept for close to six hours before he was alerted by Bakura's sudden yell through the mind link; being a light sleeper, it woke him up instantly. _Ryou!_

What is it? the hikari asked, startled.

Ryou, listen carefully, Bakura hissed urgently, sounding worried. There's a patrol heading for Joey's house from the direction you came from. They're moving at a fast pace, I'd give them ten minutes tops before they're on you. Get out of there!

Ryou was up in a flash, moving with surprising speed for the little sleep he had gotten. He snatched his coat from the chair, throwing it on hurriedly as he dived out the door, hammered down the stairs, and swung skillfully over the banister before he was halfway down to hit the floor below with a soft thud. 

He wasn't expecting anybody to be up, so it surprised him when Joey entered from the other room, still watching him with a concerned look. "Hey man, what's wrong?"

"What're you doing up?" Ryou asked quickly, blinking his large brown eyes in confusion.

"Couldn't sleep. Too worried. Damn Yami," he added, scowling a little. "If not for him none of us'd be in this stupid mess."

Ryou silently agreed, but instead answered Joey's question. "Look, there's a patrol that's after me. Bakura just let me know about it via mind link. They'll be here in ten minutes, and I have to get moving before I get you guys in trouble."

Joey nodded, sighing a little. "I figured they'd move this fast," he muttered. 

"Thanks, Joey," Ryou said, genuinely grateful. "You were a great help. I won't forget this."

"Hold on, man," the blonde said hurriedly. "Wait up a sec. Here." And from the other room he brought a small knapsack, obviously full of something, though Ryou could not tell what.

"What is it?" the white-haired teen asked.

"Food," Joey replied, voice completely serious. "Me'n Ser' packed it for you once you went off to bed. For in case you run into trouble in the future." Ryou blinked, startled, and opened his mouth to thank the blonde, but before he could speak the boy raised his voice and continued. "Now listen. Head for Kaiba's. He's a decent hearted guy, no matter what lone wolf stuff he pulls, I'm sure he'll be more than willing to hide you for a day or two. I'll give him a ring to let him know so he can prepare for you. And whatever you do, _don't get caught._ I don't want another of my friends to die at Yami's hands." He frowned a little, then pushed Ryou towards the back door. "Get goin'. Me'n Serenity'll stall for you." 

"Thanks, Joey," Ryou threw over his shoulder quickly, as he ran out the back door, swinging the knapsack onto his shoulders. 

The backyard was dark and hard to navigate in, but Ryou had eyes that quickly adjusted to darkness, and he was able to see within a matter of seconds. He skirted around the rusty old swing set that had long since been outgrown but not yet removed, slid the gate to the backyard fence open as quietly as he possibly could, and slid through the opening, settling the knapsack more firmly on his shoulders. 

He decided upon taking a roundabout way that would double back on the street the Wheelers lived on, which would (hopefully) through the trackers off the scent; after all, no _sane _person running from Yami's men would run right back towards them in a mad attempt to escape. Definitely tricky enough to freeze them up for a few minutes.

He slid farther up the street, away from the Wheeler household, so that he wouldn't get his friends into trouble if the patrol after him spotted him; being seen would invariably lead to a fight, and he had the feeling Serenity and Joey didn't want to be shot out of house and home after they had tried so hard to help him. 

He had reached the end of the street when he heard the patrol come tearing around the corner on the other side of it, dark-suited men that almost reeked of power that they had abused at some point or another. They looked furious, all of them searching wildly, glancing up and down the street for something--Ryou knew it was him with a mixed feeling of sickening dread and an edge of determination. 

"Keep a sharp eye out for the little bastard!" the leader of the patrol snarled, looking infuriated. "The Great Leader of the Dark wants him _dead_ at any cost, and that Ring of his delivered without hesitation to his very hands!" 

The others leapt at this order, combing the street and the property of the nearby houses for some sign of the white-haired hikari. The owners of the property did not come out and complain; no, it was much more likely that they were cowering under their blankets, wishing desperately that the patrol would leave so they could go back to _some _form of a sane life, however small it was.

Ryou managed a deep breath, crouching behind a house at the far side of the street, hidden in a pool of shadow. He had a little time to make a break for it, but not much; the patrol would be close by soon. He'd have to get moving as quickly as he could.

Now, the voice of Bakura came through the mind link, as he returned to the Item that he was connected to. Now's as good a time as any. Go, quick! Delay and they'll have you.

Ryou nodded silently, giving the patrol a quick glance, and prepared to leap from his hiding spot, but before he could do so he heard an exclamation that made his heart turn cold. 

"This is the Wheeler residence! The Great Leader specifies that Joseph Wheeler should be under close watch, he is allied with the Light!" There was a sound of pounding feet hurrying for the doorstep, and a rapid, authoritative rapping on the door knocker. 

Ryou bit his tongue. He couldn't see anything from his position, but he could hear it all, and that was enough.

There was the sound of a door opening, and then, very slowly, a sleepy voice cut through the gloom. "Whaaa?" 

Joey. It had to be. He was a surprisingly good actor, Ryou had to admit; it _did _sound as though he'd just been rudely dragged from a sound night's sleep, not as though he had been awake not seven minutes previously.

"We have reason to believe you've been committing illegal acts against the Great Leader of the Dark's laws, Mr. Joseph Wheeler. _Where is the Traitor and his host?_"

Ryou found himself biting his tongue harder, as though it was keeping him from yelling or crying out.

"Whadya mean?" Joey asked, feigning confusion into his voice.

"Ryou Bakura, you dimwitted oaf. _Where are you hiding him?!_"

His tongue was bleeding, he realized suddenly. There was a coppery, warm liquid running down his throat. He'd bitten too hard. _Damnit,_ he thought, a bit surprised at the seemingly random curse that he threw into his mind. _Damnit, this is making me crazy..._

"_Hidin'_ him? I ain't seen him in a month! How on Earth could I--"

_Run,_ Ryou, for Ra's sake _move!_ Bakura hissed loudly, cutting through his hikari's thoughts on the conversation. He took partial control momentarily, loosening the stiffened, crouching muscles long enough to push them into the beginnings of a run before shoving control back at his lighter half. Ryou stumbled slightly, then gathered control back into his legs, dashing headlong down the street while his yami pulled back to his soul room, preparing his magic for the assault that was sure to occur soon.

They didn't have long to wait. Ryou had just dashed around the street corner when one of the patrol men shouted loudly, "There's somebody down there! It might be the little Light bastard!"

The leader of the patrol's voice cut the air next. "After him! _Move it now _or the Great Leader will have our blood!" After that came the sound of pounding feet as the many men came barreling after their quarry.

Ryou swore again in his head very loudly, vaguely noticing that the words were Egyptian, but it didn't really matter to him. After all, he'd learned a wide selection of colorful phrases in the past few months from his yami, and most of them had begun integrating themselves with his speech. He poured on the speed--it was one of his finer traits, his agility and endurance for it--and whipped down the next street, trying to head away from the houses where innocent people were living. He didn't want them to get involved if he could help it.

The pounding of feet behind him became louder, signifying that the men had rounded the corner, and he heard the sudden shout quite clearly. "It's him! Kill him! _Now!_"

The click of a gun was heard, and the next second Ryou felt a whirl of wind near the side of his head as a bullet sped by it at rapid speed. He gave a gasp of surprise and zigzagged, hoping to throw off their aim, and then whirled around another corner onto yet another street.

Keep running, Bakura hissed, a slight tone of worry for his hikari in his thoughts, but it was so subtle Ryou barely noticed it. I'll slow them down for you. Maybe you'll be able to get away altogether.

Right, Ryou answered, not even bothering to nod, as he felt his yami spirit exit the Millennium Ring again. He heard the spirit take a form behind him, but was already leaving the tomb robber behind with his fast pace before he heard the thief hiss to his pursuers, "If any of you take a step closer I'll slaughter you."

"Empty threats, Traitor," one of the men snarled back, and Ryou could hear him moving forward. But then the hikari whipped between two houses, taking a shortcut to another road, and was out of hearing distance within moments--which was probably good, he recalled thinking, because he really didn't want to hear those men screaming in their death throes. Bakura kept his promises.

The light being sped down several more streets in a rush, dashing madly without having any idea of where he was really going. He didn't want to head to Kaiba's right away, because if there was anybody pursuing him or tracking him they would be tipped off almost immediately and he'd only get the CEO in trouble. It wouldn't be worth it. 

He was pretty sure by now that nobody was following him, however, so he began to slow down to a trotting pace, and finally a walk. He found himself in an alley, somewhere in part of the inner city, and looked around blinking slightly. He hadn't been paying attention to where he was headed, obviously. Frowning, he turned to head out of the alley so that he could head towards his next sanctuary.

The movement saved his life. Something thudded into the brick wall behind him where his head _had _been a moment earlier; pieces of the crumbly stone came flying out, crashing into the side of Ryou's face and giving him several deep cuts. Fortunately they hadn't hit his eye, which was an incredibly lucky wonder, because he had only narrowly avoided it being blinded. With a small gasp of pain he reached up to brush the bits out of his face, hissing sharply as the movement stung the newly bleeding skin. 

"Lucky bastard," somebody growled, sounding irritated.

Startled, Ryou whirled, coming face to face with one of the men from the patrol. The man blended quite well with the shadows the alley cast, what with his dark suit and quiet movement, and he had a gun, held in his right hand and obviously what had caused the wall to hurl broken stone at the hikari next to it. 

"You won't escape again," the patrol man added, smirking, as the gun raised once more, aiming at Ryou's heart. 

The hikari went into action instantly. He dived aside as the man fired, hit the ground, rolled, and came back to his feet. There was nothing else for it, he thought grimly; he would have to fight. Moving forward speedily, he grasped hold of the patrol man's gun hand, dug his fingernails in until they pierced skin with one hand, and knocked the gun from it's place with the other. He managed to kick the weapon off into a corner, away from the patrol man, before his opponent kneed him in the gut, causing him to double over, completely winded.

"Damn you!" the man snarled, furious, launching another kick at the hikari in his anger. 

It connected squarely, making Ryou yelp, but something else was born along with that pain--a burning fire, a slow fury, that seeped into the hikari's own mind. _Nobody _hit him like that. He _hated _it. And he wouldn't _stand _for it now; this guy was about to get more than he bargained for.

On the pretense of bringing up his hand to his pained chest, the hikari slowly reached into his jacket, feeling for his own weapon. Bakura had trained him with it for years, even before the takeover had ever started, and he was quite skilled with it. He had hoped he would never have to use it, or at least not often, but his hopes were not so; he used it often for defense now, to protect himself under the onslaught of attacks when other patrols had found him. 

He prided himself, however, in being able to say that this takeover had not forced him to kill yet. To take a life was unthinkable. He would never do such a thing.

As the man brought back his leg for another kick, Ryou drew his weapon, slashing out wildly to try and drive his opponent back. The man did so, leaping back with a startled look, and gazed at the now exposed weapon in the light being's hand...a dirk with a silver cobra's head carved into the pommel, hood flared, jaws open, ready to attack. Ryou smiled. _Gin Hebi,_ the best gift he had ever gotten from his yami.

He moved forward again, slashing out to try and drive the man back. He didn't want to hurt the man, just drive him back far enough so that he could get out of this alley--the man had him cornered in it. If he could just escape, it would be enough.

But this man wasn't at all interested in letting him just leave. He drew a knife from one of his pockets--more like a small dagger, really--and lashed out as well, blade driving forward to try and land a painful injury on the hikari. Ryou managed to parry it and backed up a step, but this only caused his opponent to move forward and lash out again, hitting Ryou with a barrage of furious assaults. The light being was hard pressed to parry each move, countering occasionally and lashing out in the hopes of making the man back off.

But he was getting nowhere. This man was attacking with the intent to kill, while he was only trying to defend himself, not cause the man injury. Things were beginning to look bad.

The man lashed out in a fury, and Ryou's mind suddenly registered a shocking amount of pain as the blade plunged deep into his left shoulder. He screamed, lashed out wildly to try and drive the man back, and barely succeeded. 

The man attacked again, lashing out with a smirk, and Ryou barely parried this time, the pain throbbing through his mind and disorienting him. He wasn't going to win this way...

_Instinct,_ Bakura's voice seemed to float through his head. _You've got to use your instinct._

Oh yes. That was a lesson Bakura was _constantly_ trying to hammer into his head during Ryou's training sessions; that he had to rely on his instinct if he was ever hoping to get anywhere as a swordsman. 

Now was as good a time as ever to try and fall back on instinct, he supposed. Concentrating, he let his mind fall back on pure sense, aware of every move the other man made, waiting for the right time...

The man lashed out at him again, and he parried and struck back. The man barely dodged, shocked at the sudden change of attitude in this boy--he wasn't relying on defense any more, but was fighting _back_ now. This was strange...

But the man didn't care. He slashed out in a whirlwind, hoping to catch Ryou off-guard. The hikari parried once again with utmost ease and swiped out with _Gin Hebi _once again, catching the man in the arm and scoring a deep gash into the skin. The man gave a staggered yelp of surprised pain and leapt back a step, glaring at the hikari in hate. 

"You stupid little friggin' bastard! That _hurt!_" He snarled, clutching at his new wound momentarily. "You're gonna friggin' _pay _for that!" 

He lashed out; Ryou dodged easily, sliced back and barely missed. Furious, the patrol man added, "Stop friggin' moving! I'm gonna _kill _you, damnit!"

"Please let me pass," Ryou answered in reply, worry in his features, frowning slightly. "I have no wish to continue this fight. Just let me leave so we can stop fighting. I don't want to hurt you. _Please._" This last word was said with such a worried, almost desperate tone that the patrol man suddenly smirked, thinking that his opponent was chickening out.

"Fat chance. The Great Leader of the Dark will reward me beyond my wildest dreams when I deliver your Ring to him! Ha ha ha!" And, this said, the man darted forward, raising the dagger and lashing out furiously at Ryou.

The hikari leapt back, but suddenly found himself pressed into one of the corners of the alley, unable to retreat any farther. Grinning, the patrol man raised the dagger, preparing to plunge it down into Ryou's head while the boy couldn't escape...he knew, after all, that the boy didn't have the guts to attack him, after that little _please _speech he had given...

Ryou's heart pounded as he saw the man looming over him. This was it...he was going to die now...there was no way for him to escape.

_Instinct._

A sudden calm seemed to sweep into Ryou's nerves. Not a peaceful calm, but the calm that comes when one _knows _they are in control of a situation. His sharp eyes observed his attacker in the millisecond he had left before he was dead...

There. The man had foolishly left his torso open and exposed, just waiting to be attacked, not even protected in the slightest. 

_Kill him?_

Him or me.

The dagger was coming down now, the man was laughing...

_Instinct._

Ryou never even realized that he had given the command, all he knew was that his arm shot out suddenly, quick as a cobra's strike, and plunged the dirk point deep into the man's chest. The blade broke bone and ripped into the heart, tearing the vital organ in half in seconds.

The man gave a gurgling start, blood welling from his mouth as his final moments came to a close. The red liquid dripped down onto Ryou's blade hand, making the handgrip all slippery and hard to grasp hold of, and in some vague corner of his mind he thought to himself softly, _I need a glove. Remember that._

And then, with a final gasp, the man's eyes slid closed and he fell, Ryou just managing to pull _Gin Hebi _free from the body before the dead weight hit the ground, never to move again. He stared at it in hazy confusion; he had not quite grasped hold of what had just happened. 

And then, quite suddenly, it hit him. His mind was freed of the foggy confusion within, and he snapped back to pure reality, staring down at the lifeless body at his feet. Red life fluid seeped from underneath the body, slowly pooling into a puddle around it as it flowed freely from the wound in its chest. The man...the man was dead.

Ryou's eyes widened. He gasped in surprise, staring at the bloodstained blade of _Gin Hebi,_ resting in his hand that was covered in blood as well. He backed up several paces, staggering away from the body in shock, a fine trembling taking hold of him. He hadn't...he didn't just...he _couldn't _have...

But he had. No matter how much he tried to deny it, he had. He had taken a life. He had taken his first life. The thought made him feel sick to his stomach, and he clamped his mouth shut as if trying to keep himself from throwing up. He had just killed somebody...

_Gin Hebi _clattered to the paved ground rather suddenly, slipping from his hands, but he didn't pay attention to it. He felt lost, shocked, confused, and most importantly terrified. Had it really come to this? Had he really needed to...to _kill_ the man?

He collapsed next to his stained blade, staring in shock at the ground a few feet ahead of him. Why? Why had he...

It became too much for him very suddenly. Tears welled forth from his eyes, and he cried out desperately through his mind link, _Yami!_

Bakura was there in a heartbeat at the desperate, terrified call of his hikari. He returned to the Ring quickly, forming a physical body next to it as fast as he could so as to see what was wrong with his lighter half, hoping against hope that he wasn't hurt badly...

But other than a wounded shoulder, Ryou appeared to be fine. Physically, at least. Mentally, he was a wreak; silently crying as he knelt on the ground in the middle of a dirty alleyway. Startled, Bakura knelt down next to his hikari instantly, asking softly, "Ryou? What happened?"

Bakura was expecting a straight answer, so he was a little surprised when his lighter half suddenly whirled, burying his face in his yami's shoulder and beginning to sob, tears flowing unchecked as he clung to the one being that constantly protected him. He managed to make out one single phrase that the hikari gasped softly--"I didn't mean to!"--before the lighter being broke down completely. 

Frowning slightly, the ancient tomb robber stroked his hikari's hair and whispered soothing words to him, trying to calm him down, but the whole time his sharp, narrowed eyes scanned the alleyway, looking for clues of what had happened. A bloody dirk next to his hikari, and a dead body over in the corner...his frown deepened, and worry penetrated his heart. It didn't take a genius to figure out what had just happened here...

He allowed his aibou to cry on his shoulder for some time, still trying to calm him down as gently as he could possibly manage. Ryou was a mess, horrified that he had done something so unspeakable, and Bakura felt an odd sort of pity for him, gazing down at the shaking boy clinging so desperately to him, as if he was seeking protection. 

After several minutes had passed, mostly in silence but for the soothing murmurs Bakura emitted, the tomb robber finally decided enough time had passed. If they didn't get moving soon, more patrols would find them, and they would be in an even tighter spot than they had been in before. Gently, so as not to greatly disturb the hikari, the ancient thief spirit asked carefully, "Ryou?"

The lighter being gave a small start, but answered very slowly and shakily, "Y...yeah?"

Bakura sighed a little. This was going to be difficult, he knew. "Ryou...what happened?"

Ryou shivered a little, or to be more precise his constant shaking reduced to fine shivers momentarily before reverting back. "I...I....Bakura, I just...I _killed _somebody..." He gave a slight whimper, for, having finally admitted this out loud, it seemed ten times worse than it had in his mind. A few more tears trickled over his cheeks to drip to the pavement below. 

Bakura shook his head a little. "I knew that already," he said, willing his voice to be as gentle as he could make it, although its harsh quality still stayed put, much to his annoyance. "I meant, what happened in the battle?"

Ryou glanced up at his yami, startled, his more innocent eyes meeting his yami's narrower ones. "What...what do you _mean?_" He looked slightly panicky, and his voice shook harder as he spoke. "Bakura, I just _killed _somebody, how can you...how can...._how _can you ask about how the _battle _was?!" His eyes looked almost hurt, as if somebody had taken a strike at his soul. 

The thief hated seeing those eyes like that. It reminded him all too well of what had been going on these past few months, and in his mind he cursed the Pharaoh silently for having brought this upon the people of the country, on his friends, on his aibou. Sighing, he spoke again.

"I understand you are upset, you know." He shook his head again, eyes closing momentarily, as though he was tired. "The first time is always the hardest. To break morals is just as painful as a mortal wound itself, I remember that all too clearly."

Ryou stared up at his yami as if confused, tears still slipping from his eyes, his unending trembling seizing a strong hold on him and not letting go. Bakura, however, continued to speak.

"And I wish I could tell you it would get easier," he said, his voice soft, "because I can tell...I can tell you aren't going to escape this takeover...this _war, _really...with only one life in your claim. But it won't." He shrugged, looking almost helpless, a strange sight in itself for Bakura. Ryou shook harder at this, another small whimper escaping him. 

Still, Bakura kept going, pausing only to fall back into the rhythmic stroking of Ryou's hair, trying to calm the teen as he spoke. "The reason I ask about the battle," he said slowly, "is because details are everything." At Ryou's confused, curious glance, he explained. "The reason he is dead. It was because of defensive maneuvers, was it not?" Ryou nodded, and Bakura gave a small, grim smile. "I thought as such. You were only protecting yourself, Ryou, keeping yourself alive. He isn't dead because of your spite or enjoyment."

"That doesn't change the fact that he's dead," Ryou answered softly.

"No, not that fact," Bakura admitted, "but it was not easy for you, was it? You mourn now, obviously it wasn't." His aibou nodded slowly and he went on. "That single fact, the fact that it was _not _an easy thing for you to do, an easy mark for you to bear, makes you still human. It is when it becomes too easy to do that you should really begin to mourn." His voice became flat. "Because you aren't human then. Just a slaughterer."

"Will it come to that?" Ryou asked, sounding worried, almost scared. The shaking in his voice hadn't lessened.

"I don't know," Bakura answered, sighing. "Ra will that it doesn't. This world will have shot to hell by then if _that _is really needed." He glanced down at his hikari. "Come on. We need to move before we're caught."

Ryou's sobbing appeared to have subsided for the most part, but he was still shaking uncontrollably and was having difficulty standing. He groaned slightly, shook his head, and muttered, "I can't do it. Move, I mean. Don't know why..."

"You're still shocked," Bakura answered, frowning a little. "We don't have time for this..." he glanced around hurriedly, then turned back to his hikari. "Here...I'll take over."

The lighter being nodded slightly. "O..okay....go ahead..."

Bakura vanished into his Ring, taking possession of the body a moment later and pulling it into a stand. Looking around quickly, he grasped hold of _Gin Hebi, _cleaning off the bloodstained blade before returning it to its hidden sheath. He gave the dead body one last look, frowning slightly, before leaving the alley, heading towards Kaiba's mansion with the practiced slink of a born thief. 

Ryou had retreated to his soul room to rest--he was mentally exhausted to the point of collapse--and this gave Bakura a slightly freer reign with his thoughts. Frowning, he thought over the whole episode, feeling slightly disturbed.

Were hikaris supposed to kill? He doubted it. There was a lighter half and a darker half for a reason. He, the yami, was the one meant to kill, steal and cause damage, the hikari was there to act as a counterbalance, center of all things light and good. That was how the world stayed in balance, with darkness and light equal in every aspect. 

But then again...one light was already gone. Yugi had been killed. Yami was an overpowering darkness...he himself was a darker spirit...was this world destined to be something balanced in the dark? Was that why his hikari was already beginning to learn his theft techniques, fighting skills, even the crude Egyptian swears he had taken to using more and more often? Was that why his hikari had just taken his first life, and would most likely take even more?

He hoped not, he thought bitterly, a scowl crossing his face as he weaved through the streets. He most definitely hoped not. Because if this pattern kept going...if his hikari really became the warrior that this fight looked like it would soon be demanding...if his light stopped mourning, found it easier to kill...then, he knew, his lighter half, Ryou Bakura, would really and truly be dead.

*****

HCG: And well, there you have it! Another weird fic about Kawari.

Kawari: I hate you.

HCG: As you've told me several times.

Kawari: I _really _hate you.

HCG: We've established that.

Kawari: _Really, really_ hate you. 

HCG: ¬_¬; It's getting annoying now.

Kawari: Well, you're editing my speech so I can't cuss really strong like I _would _be at the moment...*sharp look*

HCG: *siiigh* Oh, get over it. *cough* Right, final notes. First, apologies about the NR Serenity. Her personality seems quite thorny, I know, but it's because I'm currently designing and experimenting with her personality in the Negative Realm. This is one of two possibilities and I wanted to explore it better, so...*shrug* This may or may not be her personality later in the actual trilogy itself. 

Second...*winkwink* Can anybody translate the title of this story? Come on, some good old Latin students...I know what it means, obviously, because I came up with the title, but I want to see if you do. Write it in your review; I'll give the answer in Chappie 12 of _Negative Chaos _later, how's that sound? Good? Okay then. 

Anyway. If that's all, I think I'll just shove off to bed then. ^^ I've been working on this fic for several days now, and I'm staying up late to edit it, so I'm going to be freakin' _exhausted _tomorrow, but meh. S'okay, right? 

So anyway. Review, darned it! Please! I need reviews to nourish my starving, almost-non-existent ego! Gah!


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